My Novel Has Defeated Me…..Again

U.U. has defeated me again. I have started this editing/rewriting process a countless number of times and every time the entire story defeats me. I love the characters, I love their stories and the story that I originally told – very badly – but it just isn’t there for me to rewrite anymore. After the usb failure and the laptop crash I just cannot manage to put my fingers to the keys anymore. It feels as though perhaps this novel doesn’t want to see the light of day yet or maybe just no one is ready for it. I honestly do not know. What I do know is that I give up. I cannot sit here for hours staring at work not getting done. I’m honestly not sure what I am going to work on or even that I can actually write. Perhaps it’s just me doubting myself, but this is some seriously deep doubt I have going on right now. It just honestly seems this novel isn’t meant to be yet, either because I’m terrible at truly planning or I’m generally terrible at writing, I have no idea I don’t even have a beta reader to give me feedback. Thus, I give up; on WIPmarathon, all of it – I tried, I really did, but it just never works out. I feel awful for being a quitter, I really do. Maybe one of these days I will get it right or at least finish what I start to a true completion – possibly even obtain a successful blog. For now I suppose I will stick to being a giant failure in my corner with all my personal issues.

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6 thoughts on “My Novel Has Defeated Me…..Again

  1. Don’t give up on writing, Jinny. All of those things you’re feeling are common to writers. But this is a good time for you to back away from your project… Sounds like the stress is killing you.
    There’s a lot of real-world advice that many of us bloggers give. I suggest flipping through.
    If you really want to write, it’s doable. It’s a skill, and all skills can be learned.

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    1. Oh I didn’t give up on writing, simply every WIP I have right now other than my collaborative work which is gradually starting to suffer. This issue I keep facing is I have millions of plot bunnies but none of them are anything new or original. I constantly have this issue with everything I work on, I just lose the drive to ever truly complete it.

      Zero drafts I can write just fine and that’s as far as they ever get. I am not under the illusion my zero drafts are any good either, I go back and read them and they seem to be crap to me. It’s a never ending struggle that I constantly lose. I honestly don’t know why I’m so easily discouraged but I am in most everything.

      It always seems like there is something else I should be writing, but I have no idea what that something else is. Or if that something else is a something else at all. It’s likely I’m just having a major episode of depression and I need a vacation again, but I am less keen on doing that after I’ve only been working on it again for a couple of weeks. Terribly frustrating to say the least.

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    1. I have gone far beyond the ‘one day’ part. That was two days ago. I am trying, I just fear I am going to wind up with a folder full of stories that will remain right there in that folder kept all to myself without anyone to care about them other than the writer who thinks they’re all awful because I wrote them. I hope ‘one day’ but I want it to be ‘one day very soon’ yet I have zero drive to achieve that want truly.

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  2. I can’t imagine how frustrated I’d be if I’d just lost a novel–and the feeling definitely wouldn’t create a good headspace for writing. Taking a break until you have the urge to write again sounds like a really good idea.

    As for this particular novel–not that it’s any of my business, but I agree that you should put it aside. If you pick it up right away, you would just be trying to replicate what you already wrote, which is both overwhelming and a hindrance to your improvement. The real test of whether a novel is ready for the world is distance. What will you remember about that novel in six months or a year? Probably the parts you were most passionate and excited about. If you can’t remember a scene or a character or a plot point, that’s okay–it means that it wasn’t important enough for it to be in the story in the first place. When you pick it back up, not only will you be preserving only the elements that made the story memorable, but by then, your writing will have improved, so you’ll be much more able to do the story justice. And if you can’t remember anything about the story (or simply have no motivation to resume it) a year from now, that’s probably a sign that it wasn’t a good enough idea.

    Also, maybe it would be a good idea for you to email chapters to yourself or use some sort of online storage in the future? As someone who is super prone to computer problems, I would have lost my novel a hundred times over if it weren’t for email.

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  3. Pingback: WIPMarathon Check-In #2 | Sorrowful Decay

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